Why This Race Means So Damn Much

I would bet that a lot of you are tired of seeing all my running posts the last few months.  Whether it's just me complaining about the frigid temps, the rain, the early Saturday run times, or just because I'm running and not laying on a beach, I'm sure I've had my share of eye-rolls from scrollers.  And I have to admit that before January, I've never really understood running as a sport (although, I'll say that I've been in awe of people who get out and run like it's nothing pretty much all of the time).  I just assumed that running was something that you had to have loved all of your life in order to enjoy, or that it was just an inherited trait.  I still struggle with motivating myself to get up and do it, but once I'm doing it, 9 times out of 10 (unless I'm on a treadmill), once I get going, I'm good for a while.  And I just coast.  And I think about allllll the things, or absent-mindedly listen to my music, sometimes pretending they're all singing just for me to keep going (I can't let them down, you know).

But I realize now, the day before my race, that it's more than that.  When I signed up to train (which up until that point, I've always said I would never run more than a 10k), it was more of a social thing.  Because being a SAHM, I don't get a ton of interaction with people older than 4 on a daily basis.  Now that the kids are 2 and 4, I am slowly getting into more of a habit of having "me time," but it is inconsistent at best.  Until January.  Then I committed to running at least 2 times a week, mostly with company of other like-minded people who have a goal in mind.  Most of those people, when I tell them I have 2 year old and 4 year old, they start telling me how they remember those years, how challenging they were, and how they can imagine that any kind of small break from doing that 24/7 is likely welcome.

But y'all.  In almost 5 years, this is the first time I've actually set out with a goal that is 100% for myself AND been able to follow through.  Because previously, when I set out to run or train even for shorter distances, I had alllllll the excuses - big and small. I was pregnant, or still breastfeeding, or pregnant again, or going through 2 consecutive miscarriages, or pregnant again, or still breastfeeding again, or simply getting the hang of having 2 kids in general just tired, or struggling with my identity in different ways with my evolving life, or simply because ---> kids.  My mom was also diagnosed with breast cancer last summer and I spent a lot of time going back and forth for her chemo treatments, and my dad and stepmother separated after 25 years of marriage, and those 2 things happening within 2-3 months of each other brought in a whole other realm of feelings that I had never dealt with, especially together.  And those were just my own obstacles.  Craig is also working, traveling, and training for triathlons, so he is in and out a lot too, meaning childcare can be tricky.  Finding the right some balance has been difficult, but with this training, I feel like I've finally been able to stabilize long enough to start and finish something.  Each mile tomorrow will symbolize overcoming several obstacles that have knocked me off my feet at some point over the past 5 years.

So I get it when people are jokingly like "Who wants to run, or pay to run, etc, etc?"  It hasn't always been a dream of mine, but I can't lie when I say that it is going to feel good when I cross that finish line tomorrow.  Who knows if I will hit my target pace when it's all said and done, or complete the entire thing without walking, but I WILL finish.  I know that if Craig can finish a half ironman with a broken collar bone and fractured ribs after crashing his bike during his first ironman race, I can, at the very least, cross the finish line of my first half marathon (hopefully with a lot less injury).  AND I will know that I legitimately put in the work to get there.  So I apologize for all of the sometimes annoying running posts/pictures over the past few months -- some of it was for accountability reasons, but mostly it was for humor.  Because seriously, if you had told me a couple years ago that I would be training for a race in temperatures cold enough to freeze my water bottle while running, I would have thought that I must be trapped in the tundra somewhere.

Slightly off-topic, but have you ever found yourself in a situation where you wonder if you had the ability years ago to flash forward to get a sneak peak of random moments in your life, what you would think of the circumstances?  Like in 2006 if you had shown me a glimpse of me running down Wade Avenue, I would've thought "Okay, someone is definitely chasing me.. I hope I make it..", or "Oh ok... I'm probably taking a left on Western to get to Bojangles."  It's just interesting how we evolve.  And thank God I eat a lot less Bojangles now, because that was a constant battle (hayyyy seasoned fries and honey mustard sauce 🙌).

On this day though, I gave in. #reward (And ironically, it was the Bojangles on Western 😂)

So even though back then, I never would've believed I would've done all of this for a half marathon, I definitely believe me now.  I kind of believe in me now too, so there's also that. 💪 #girlpower #roarandstuff