It's been a while since I last posted, and my, how things have changed! I can finally close the chapter called "less than happy". I took a job in June of 2008 at a transportation software company, which really was the best move I could've made. It really put a lot of things into perspective. Strangely.. in a very positive way.
I left my current job at the time, which was with Horizon Forest Products. I wouldn't say that I was the happiest, but looking back, it was my first job out of college. It's hard to say what happy really is when you have nothing to compare it to. I did know that I loved the people I worked with and I know that that's often hard to find in itself. I cried my eyes out the day I left, but I really felt like I was making a positive change with a substantial pay raise (hey, college = bills to pay).
So I started working for this transportation software company, working as the Client Support Manager, or so I thought. I later learned that was one of many titles in this very small start-up company of around 20-30 people. I know our team of implementers all had different titles, but we all pretty much did the same thing. So, really.. "Client Support Manager" didn't really mean that. It meant "you'll watch the Support Queue and whatever else that comes up". Which is okay.. I'm a great multi-tasker and I like a challenge. But, things progressively got worse. In a not-very-structured company, it's incredibly easy to lose focus and feel lost when it comes to direction. Especially when your resources are limited. And they were.
I'm not writing this to bad-mouth this company, because I do feel that I was able to learn and grow by working there for the past 1.5 years, and they really have a monster of a product. But, I reached a point at that establishment where I felt I was no longer able to be as productive and I was incredibly stressed, and oddly feeling pressured. It pretty much pushed me to a point where I felt like I just couldn't care anymore about certain things pertaining to my job because it was really going to drive me to complete insanity. And to me, that's a problem. My primary job deals with my clients and I'm convincing myself not to care about them or their issues that they're trusting me to fix or help resolve?? How am I supposed to be productive in that environment? It's just impossible, and it's even more impossible to suggest that I would be able to just not care. It's not in my blood. Not only that.. I begin reflecting on myself and where I spend 40 hours a week, week in and week out. I wasn't happy. It had to change.
Anyway, long story short - this move taught me that my search for greener pastures led me to a green pasture, which eventually turned to a desert and left me feeling unsettled and just thirsty for more... the money isn't always worth it, and your title doesn't mean squat.. (oh, and be careful when working along side close friends.. it's fun sometimes, but it can cause you unforeseeable stress that seems to really be unavoidable - luckily I can now see the stress on the friendships stemmed from the job and not the friends). I think it was necessary to take that leap to figure it out.. all of it, because I was offered a different job with my former company, Horizon, and I really feel like it's the best decision I've made in a long time. For my career, as well as quality of life (money aside). I know the people I'll be returning to work with, I respect them, and I know it's a solid and structured organization (emphasis here - Organization: derived from "organized", meaning well thought out and put together). And it's because of all these revelations that I really feel like I've maybe fallen back slightly.. but back to the arms of grace. And now "less than happy", has taken a turn for more. Potentially much more. :)
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