… a fast-forward button preferably. I've been blurting out on facebook about how I cannot WAIT to wake up and it be October 7th, because I am so tired of having dreams with maddening things happening at our wedding. The good thing is that I'm pretty sure I get married in all of these dreams (when I make it that far), but it's really stressful waking up after being late to your wedding, with your hair in a ponytail and zero makeup on. I know, I know - things will go wrong, & in retrospect, it won't matter. I get that, but the suspense of it all is more stressful than the wedding planning itself!
Honestly, the planning has been easy - I think the anxiety over pleasing everyone there is killing me. I don't think that's abnormal though. We're talking about all of our closest family and friends, so me wanting to be sure they have a good time as Craig and I celebrate our marriage shouldn't be that far-fetched to anyone. To me, the biggest thing to think about with this wedding is Craig and I getting married obviously. It's the whole reason we're doing this. But hearing that this day is "all about me" I don't think will ever resonate with me. Yes, I'm the bride and in many ways, the day is tailored around my likes and my vision of things I've been thinking about since I was little. But in my eyes as an adult, it's about making the night memorable to everyone that matters to us after Craig and I become husband and wife. What's so crazy about that?
I've noticed that you go through many stages of emotion as an engaged woman. I have at least. The first emotion I experienced was complete and utter excitement with borderline disbelief that I actually get to act on marrying Craig. No more thoughts about "If he knew I had our wedding colors picked out and we're not even engaged, he would freak." I got to say those things outloud and not feel psycho! It was quite liberating.
But after the initial excitement came the hardcore reality about planning - it came with tough decisions like... who is in the wedding, how many people can we afford to have, how do we decide who we invite without hurting feels or breaking the bank, etc. That's the ugly side of planning. It still pops it's head up every now and then, but you can't beat yourself up over things like that or else it makes the experience somewhat unenjoyable.
My mind has even gone to paranoia about wondering if those who were/are participating in the wedding actually want to be in it, or if they were just afraid to tell me no? That's a sucky feeling, but I admit that I have had it. Not everyone loves weddings or loves the things that go along with being in a wedding, but you just hope that they enjoy it enough to not dread it. I'm such a girl.
Anyway - I'm settling into the final phase of planning. I have my first bridal shower this weekend and I am very excited! We only have one session left with the preacher, so it's becoming more and more real as we approach the 2 month countdown. All of the major things are nailed down and I'm not freaking out over details, which is good. Apparently, I save that for my dreams. :) So now, I'm just longing for the moment when I'm standing there with my dad and that door opens and I see Craig standing down at the arbor [hopefully] beaming back at me. In my quiet times when I think about that moment, it always brings a tear and a smile. Talk about bittersweet reactions.. where are you, October??
