Chase's Delivery Day from Mommy's Perspective

This is the 2nd time I'm writing this and I'm so mad because my first draft didn't SAVE.  Ugh I hope I don't forget too much.

Anyway, so I had zero contractions leading up to the day I went into labor.  I was sick with the flu like 3 or 4 times during the pregnancy and I would get so dehydrated that I would have some small contractions but nothing major.  Once I was able to hydrate, they always went away.  It was so crazy how sick I would get during this pregnancy... I only had 1st trimester morning sickness with Millie.  This time, I had that plus I caught everything that Millie brought home, plus some.  On Chase's due date, I even had to go to urgent care for my first ever sinus infection.  I was so miserable!

I was due on February 6th, and on Sunday February 7th (Super Bowl between the Carolina Panthers and Denver Broncos... spoiler alert: the Broncos won), I was on the phone with mom around 6pm while Craig was fixing chicken wings for dinner.  She would always ask if "anything was happening" and I had nothing to report other than him being super active that day and his kicks were crazy hard.  As we were getting off the phone though, I felt a "cramp" that lasted for about 30 seconds and then went away.  I was pretty sure it was a contraction but didn't want to say anything to Mom to get her hopes up.

As I got off the phone, I told Craig that I thought I just had a contraction and he gave me a slight side-eye (and actually kind of ignored the statement).  I'm pretty sure it was because the Super Bowl was about to start!  We had joked during the last month that I had to hold out until the Super Bowl was over, so when I told him about the contractions, I'm not sure if he was thinking "Nope" or "she's probably kidding or mistaken".  I knew they were inconsistent so I didn't really make a big deal out of it so I proceeded with the next hour, realizing they were getting somewhat intense, and that they kept on coming.  Granted, not consistently, but I was pretty sure we were going to get there soon.

I wasn't hungry so I ate a couple wings and whatever else we had and just let things go.  I took a shower eventually (after Millie went down for bed) and as Craig was watching the game.  Eventually, I called the doctor around 11pm because the contractions would be like 3 minutes apart for a little while, and then they'd space back out.  The on-call doctor told me I might want to start heading to the hospital soon since it was my 2nd child.  She also said if they spaced out again, then I could just wait a little bit before going in, so I did.  I laid down, but I knew that was going to be short-lived and Craig slept in the guest room for a little while, since we figured there was no sense in both of us not sleeping.  Around 1am, the contractions kept coming even while I was laying down, so I decided maybe we should go.  I called my brother to come to the house to stay with Millie and I went and woke Craig up.  He said "Am I going too?"  Seriously?  No, I'd rather have the baby alone.  I'm going to chalk it up to him being groggy from sleep.

We get to the hospital around 2am and this weird nurse checked me in and did all the cervix exam fun stuff.  I was really happy her shift was going to be over soon because her bedside manner was just strange and I wasn't in the mood to deal with awkward.  Anyway, I was at 4cm (I had been at 1cm for 3 weeks so I was happy it seemed to be happening quickly, finally!).  They still wanted me to walk around for a while to see how quickly I'd progress.  So I'd walk and walk and have contractions every 2 minutes like clockwork, but then my back would start to hurt so I'd lay down for a while and the contractions would stop.  It really was not fun because walking around after being awake for 24 hours already, plus a sinus infection wasn't my idea of a smooth delivery.

So, my doctor came in around 8 or 9am I think and he decided they should go ahead and break my water and he swears it'll get going after that since I was still only at 5cm.  So, apparently, my sac or whatever didn't want to burst and he had a really hard time getting that to happen.  "Uncomfortable" is probably an understatement as I try to withstand this maneuver and I am sure I'm going to walk off my bed via my behind.  It finally breaks and they discover meconium (again - this happened with Millie too, so I wasn't alarmed or anything).  And once your water breaks, the contractions get really intense, however they weren't very consistent.  They just hurt like crazy, which is super fun as tired and as congested as I was.

The contraction pain was almost blinding at one point and I was having trouble breathing in a way that was helping me to get through them (because I found myself holding my breath because the pain was so crazy).  Every time I felt one coming, I'd call Craig over and he'd hold my hand as I tried to bear down and huff and puff and get through it.  Craig was the best in the delivery room, both times.  He stood right there with me, whatever I needed.  I'm pretty sure he even cried with me at one point.  I'm sure it's hard watching someone be in so much pain and really, there's nothing you can do for them.  Plus we were both exhausted.  Eventually, I just started crying because I wasn't progressing and it felt like I was in all this pain and my wheels were just spinning.  So I told him that I was going to have the nurse (Mary Kelly - she was amazing and super knowledgable and experienced) come back in and check me and if I wasn't at like 7cm by now (it was around 1pm), we were going to have to go to an epidural, which wasn't in my plan.

So, she came in and we told her my game plan and she checked me.  She took off the gloves, threw them away and came and sat on my bed.  "You're still at 5cm."  Worst. News. Ever.  Not really, but it wasn't what I wanted to hear on a day that nothing was happening very quickly.  So I told her to go ahead with lining up the epidural.  At that point, I wanted it RIGHT THEN.  Like, why had she not already had him standing outside?!  I kept powering through contractions, tears and all, and I kept asking when the anesthesiologist was going to come.  She sat down on my bed again and said "Haley, you're going to have probably 5 more contractions before he gets here."  Ughhhhh.

Ok, so the epidural.  Most people know that I hate, and I mean, haaaate needles.  But the pain won out, so whatever.  He came in and explained what was going to happen, which all happened during contractions and I wasn't exactly handling those very well at the moment.  So, they get me to sit up on the side of the bed and wrap my legs around Craig and they had raised the bed so that when I hugged him, I was hunched over and they could easily access my spine to shove a canon sized catheter or something up there.  They get through the first phase (as I was contracting, no less) and then they move on to step 2, which I think was to inject the stuff to make all my stuff numb... BRING IT!  With that came the strangest sensation/pinch that I wasn't really expecting and I about jumped off the bed.  At that point, the nurse and anesthesiologist both yell at me "DON'T MOVE!" and then I begin crying.  Again.  I'm thinking "Great, not only did I mess up my epidural, but now I'm probably paralyzed too.  Perfect."

So, they finished and the nurse did the "ice test" and determined that I had the perfect epidural.  I felt NOTHING from my abs down and finally... RELIEF!  My mom came back from eating lunch with my brother (she witnessed a breakdown before she left when I was crying during contractions) and looked at the monitor as I was having a contraction that was apparently off the charts.  She kind of gave me a sideways glance and said "You ok?"  I said "yep" and proceeded to chow down on my grape popsicle.  She couldn't believe the difference.  They turned the lights out, my dad and stepmom came back to the room too and they sat over to the side and talked with mom for a while, Craig left for a quick lunch and then answered some work emails when he came back, and I napped.  It was glorious.  I had never been more sure of a decision in my life.

After a little while, the nurse also made a decision after they had to up my pitocin levels to get my contractions to really make some headway, to give me a peanut shaped medicine ball to put between my legs as I rested.  It was huge, but honestly, at that point - who cared?!  So I used that and turned from side to side every so often, and within like an hour - I was at 10cm!  I could tell I was close because I began shaking, which was what happened when I got to 10cm with Millie.  They told me to keep the ball between my legs so that his head would come down a little more and it would make pushing easier.  I was all about that and I was still in no real pain, so I just let it ride.  They went ahead and kicked my parents out and began getting me ready to push.  Finally!  It was like 4:30 I think.  The NICU team had to bring in all their stuff and they ended up briefing another one of my doctors from the practice as it was time for another shift change.  But it's ok, because the longer we prolonged pushing, the more the contractions were naturally bringing him down the birth canal and again... no real pain, just pressure.

When my doctor came in (I love Dr. Barlow), I begged her to PLEASE help me not tear like I did with Millie.  It was such a miserable recovery with her and I really just wanted to try to make things as "easy" as possible since pain wasn't a huge issue during the pushing.  She reassured me that 2nd babies were better in general, and the nurse seemed very confident that we had done a good job of getting him down naturally to where tearing wasn't going to be a sudden problem since it's all been so gradual.  All of this was so different than it was with Millie.  Pushing was a nightmare with her and I was exhausted and writhing in pain.  Plus with her, I delivered with a doctor I had never met before that day.

Anyway, pushing started and it really wasn't that bad.  I mean, it wasn't paradise, but it was definitely bearable.  The nurses saw the head and told Craig to look repeatedly and he refused (bless his heart)... he kept telling me "Sorry baby, there are just some things you can't unsee and that's one of them."  They told me to feel and I felt his head and it just felt like mush, which was rather alarming and they assured me it was totally normal.  But I was ecstatic that he was RIGHT THERE!  So with what felt like minimal effort, he was born and laid on my chest.  It was the best feeling in the world.  He cried, I cried (and I'm pretty sure Craig cried) and I quietly shushed him, trying to comfort him.  Then he pooped on me, but I really didn't care.  He was finally here and I felt like he was just melting into my chest as all my pregnancy anxiety went away after 2 miscarriages.

 

The days at the hospital were my favorite with both Millie and Chase.  Yes, it was annoying to have nurses and doctors constantly in and out, checking on me and them but it's the easiest 2-3 days.  All of your food is brought to your bed, and the only thing you really need to worry about is feeding your baby and trying to rest.  Plus, if anything happens to go wrong or if you have questions, someone is RIGHT there.  Whereas, when you go home to a toddler and your house, which if you're anything like me, it feels like there's always something to do... it's just stressful trying to get situated.  My mom was at home, waiting on us both times and man, that was the best.  I know a lot of people don't want any help when they first come home.  NOT I.  I needed all the help I could get because there were times that I was so exhausted and questioning myself... it's nice to have someone there that's done it before and can just jump in and take over if needed.  I cried when she left.  Both times.  

I don't know what it is about coming home from the hospital... it's like babies just go bonkers as soon as you set foot in your house.  Things go from easy-peezy in the hospital to a train wreck in an hour's time.  Chase had a circumcision (sorry son, for you spillin' your bidness) and they did it literally right before we left.  They brought him back to the room and we put him in the carseat and left once they gave us the rundown.  Basically, the instructions were "you don't need to change the gauze unless it gets poop on it".  So, what does Chase do when we walk in the door?  You got it.  So, I'm trying to change him and the gauze and he is SCREAMING.  And I mean, it was awful.  So, he's screaming, I'm crying because he's screaming and I feel like it's my fault, and the dang dog was even pacing back and forth crying because things were just CA-RAZY.  We were all a mess.  But, as things always do - they settled down and here we are 7 months later.  Chase is a pretty happy baby overall, but he definitely shares his sister's temper.  When he's over it, he is over it.  But I love when I walk into his room after a really good night's sleep or a really long nap and he just smiles up at me.  He has the sweetest grin.

And now, I leave you to go and convince myself that I do not want a third child...

Millie's Delivery Day from Mommy's Perspective

I told Craig after I had delivered Chase that I really wanted both of us to write our own accounts of each of the kids' births.  I know he remembers things that I don't and he is bound to have had different emotions that I didn't have or that I didn't know he had.  I also think it will be a cool thing for the kids to read when they're older.  Anyway - here is my account of Millie's birth... :) :) :)

She was born on Oct 5th at 1:46am, but man, labor was lonnnnng and hard.  I started having contractions during the really early morning hours on October 3rd around 12:30am.  I started timing them but they'd be consistent and then inconsistent and then stop.  I eventually got back to sleep on and off but I spent all day of October 3rd walking our neighborhood and hopping up and down on one of those huge yoga balls.  It didn't get me anything but some weak contractions.

I went to bed that night and the same thing happened around midnight... I woke up to more contractions.  I got out of bed this time and walked the house to time them and eat because I had a feeling this was it (after all, I was due Sept 27th, so this had to be it, right?).  I walked around for like 3 hours timing the contractions and finally got Craig up around 4.  He showered, I showered and after I talked to the doctor and since I was 41 weeks, she told me to come in.

I checked in that Friday morning, October 4th, to triage and they checked my cervix and I was still only a "maybe 3cm" at about 6 or 7am (which was where I was earlier that week). Super bummed, but Dr. Collins told me that she would like to go ahead and break my water to get things going.  She said if we didn't do that, I could always just go home but she felt like I'd be right back by the end of the day.  So we went with it and she broke my water and discovered there was meconium.  That just meant that the baby had pooped already and the NICU would be waiting in the delivery room when I was pushing.

So fast-forward and ALL of the parents showed up around the same time (I think around 10am), even though I told them to take their time.  I walked and walked and walked and bounced and did everything to try to get her out (even though I didn't know we were having a girl at the time).  She stalled around 4-5 cm for HOURS.  Finally, I got tired enough to ask for an epidural around lunchtime even though I wanted to go all natural (once your water breaks, those contractions get real very quickly).  My amazing nurse (who I can't remember her name for the life of me, but she was awesome) talked me out of it because I was so adamant about having a natural birth when I came in.  So she gave me the option to try Stadol which was a drug administered to help me relax between contractions.  It didn't help with pain - it just helped to let me rest in between.  I really wish I hadn't done it because, yes I did get a little rest, but it took it FOREVER to wear off.  I felt so drunk for hours and it was so hard for me to focus on breathing because I was so tired.  I felt like I couldn't wake up.  It was only supposed to last for an hour!

Funny story: before I got the drug, my dad plopped down in my room in the chair and started watching sportscenter, while eating chocolate chip cookies!  I was like "DAD!  I'm so hungry!" and of course, I couldn't eat anything other than popsicles and clear fluids.  He didn't know that and asked "Oh you want some?!"  Haha, yes, let's ask the pregnant, laboring, hungry, tired lady if she wants some cookies!  Good old Dad - he had no idea. Anyway, I sent Craig away to eat lunch because I knew I'd get hangry if he attempted to eat in front of me too.  So mom sat with me for a while and everyone else left for a bit (I assume to eat, because that's all I probably wanted to do!)

So, I had the drug now and I was trying to relax, which is kind of laughable because I'd be out of it and then all of the sudden, I'd just start huffing and puffing through a contraction.  I remember one time, my mom was really impressed that all I muttered was "Ohh Shhhhhhhhooooot" as I powered through one.  I don't think I was able to maintain that kind of control through the rest of the day, but it was a good effort.  I still find it hard to swear in front of my mom apparently.  So anyway, they keep checking me and I'm barely making any progress but I had a great support team with the nurse(s).  I even went into another nurse's 12 hour shift that night. I was so sad to see my original nurse go!  The new nurse was younger and I wasn't as confident in her, but the first nurse had informed her of my desire to go natural so she was also really supportive and helpful as well.

Our parents were in and out most of the afternoon, but I started to get into the nitty gritty of contractions in the evening hours (yes, EVENING hours) so I finally had to ask everyone to just stay in the lobby.  I was up and down in the hospital bed and in a hospital gown and I didn't want to have any awkward moments with the dads, and I didn't want to have to worry about it.  I got in the shower at one point, on the big ball.  It was a sight, I'm sure.  I'm in one of those attractive hospital gowns with skid proof socks on while I'm in the shower - try to picture that!  I remember once I got in there and situated on the ball, it felt so good as I would roll around on it and Craig used the sprayer on my back.  Craig kept telling me how great I was doing and that he couldn't even tell I was in labor during some parts.  Apparently, I had found my groove.  Although, I really feel like I was just putting up a front because I distinctly remember thinking I was ready for a c-section.  I would have these thoughts as we got into these evening hours and the progress was SO minimal.

Craig did everything we learned in our classes.  He brought tennis balls and rolled them on my back and did all the little massages they taught us.  He was amazing!  He never left my side (I don't think) after that lunch break.  I think he did go to get a fan or some ice or the nurse at a couple points.  It was so freaking hot in that delivery room.  I just kept asking for ice and for the fan!

We did all kinds exercises to try to make the labor as "comfortable" as possible.  I was on my side, on my knees, on my back - I would bury my face in pillows, scream, breathe, whatever.  Although I didn't scream much because I noticed it took a lot more effort and seemingly made the pain worse if I did anything other than controlled breathing.  It took hours, but I just don't remember much of it.

I finally get to 10cm around midnight... needless to say, I was EXHAUSTED and I still had to push.  Nobody tells you how hard pushing is.  I was prepared for it to hurt like crazy, but I didn't think it would take so much energy and just the right kind of pushing to make any of it productive.  Or if they did, I didn't hear it because I kept asking the nurse "what if I can't do this???" because I really didn't think I could.  I was so, so tired.  I looked up at Craig and told him I couldn't do it and he just kept coaching me and encouraging me.  I know he had to feel so helpless.  We tried a couple pushes through contractions with just the nurse and it was awful.  I finally made some sort of progress after about 20-30 minutes of terror and what do they do?  They tell me to stop.  So I have to sit there with NO epidural, with this immense pressure on my backside which really just makes you want to push, and they tell you not to.  You are literally fighting your own body!  It took about 3 hours for "my doctor" to come in (not really, but it felt like it... sitting through contractions when you are at that point is complete torture.  I'm confident it would be used in war if it was feasible.)  And I say "my doctor" because it was the on-call doctor in another practice because my actual doctor's shift had ended about 12 hours before.  You have to remember that I came in at around 6-7am and it was about 1am the next day (Saturday) by now.

So the doctor had checked on me in the previous hours leading up to this, and had told me that he was impressed with my composure and he didn't think he'd have to do any cutting or an episiotomy and that it should all be fine.  Why he would tell me that, I don't know because I have no clue what he was basing that on.  Because it only took him about 3-4 pushes for him to look at me and say "Haley - stop pushing for a second.  If I just cut, just a little bit, the baby should come right on out."  At that point, I didn't care what he did, I just wanted it done!  I think my response was "Ok fine, whatever" which I don't know if he was expecting that or not, because he acted like he was trying to sell me on it.  Anyway, he cuts and he pulls HER out.  We decided that Craig would be the one to tell me if it was a boy or a girl, and NOT the doctor.  So Craig looks at me and says "It's a Grace!..."  And then he looks at the doctor and says "Hey, it's a girl, right?"  I was like WTF?  I know the look I gave him was absolutely hilarious to bystanders, because I was like "Ok, you had 1 job!"  Every time we told this story, he would say "In my defense, she was really swollen!"  Mmmhmmm.  

So, they had to take her to the little incubator thing in the room and get her cleaned off some and make sure she was ok from the meconium.  She was perfect and they brought her to me and it was just magic.  I'm laying there with my legs spread-eagle, still in stirrups and I just get lost with this tiny little baby girl on my chest.  

She still uses that lip at every opportunity!

We do all the pictures and everything, and the doctor is taking FOREVER "down there".  Not to mention, he had to get the nurse to jab me with a needle in my leg to apparently stop the bleeding.  That's a reassuring thing.  So I finally ask the nurse what's going on and she tells me I have a 3rd degree tear.  I had no idea what that meant and she filled me in.  Not fun.  

Anyway, he finally finishes and I'm still shaking beyond measure which she tells me is normal, all while she keeps punching me in the uterus.  I finally told her that she couldn't do it anymore and we began negotiating on how often and how many more times she was going to attempt to get my uterus to contract and to get the clots out.  I know it's important and everything, but dang - I had already been through way more than I had bargained for.  I was so tired and HUNGRY!  

I finally get done in the delivery room, and they get me to the bathroom before they take me to recovery so I could do what I could manage to do at that point (with way more supervision than I was normally comfortable with when I use the restroom but by now, I had lost any dignity that I had).  Craig had gone to inform the parents that the baby was here but we still hadn't told them if it was a boy or a girl, and of course we hadn't told the name.  We had kept the name a secret as well.  I know my mom told me that they were all really worried because it had taken us a while to update them after I reached 10cm to when she was born.  She was born at 1:46am and I think we finally got them to our room around 4:30am?  The stitching took a long time and then getting me to the bathroom, and to recovery, and then letting me inhale the best grilled cheese sandwich of my life took a bit of time.

We have a video of them coming in the room and me telling them that it's a girl.  What's weird is that no one asked her name!  I finally had to tell them: Amelia Grace Allen and I wanted to call her Millie.

The rest is history.. we had a rough few months to follow.  She had colic and I had no clue what I was doing.  BUT, once she hit the 6 month mark and started to gain mobility, she became the happiest baby you can find... and a great sleeper to boot!  Millie, you've been a challenge from day 1 in the best way possible.  You've made me love something like you'll never understand until you have one of your own.  And maybe then you'll understand it when I say that you and your brother are the best things to ever happen to me.