Top 5 Revelations of 2017

I feel like it's safe to say that 2017 presented a number of challenges in my personal life.  They were wide-ranging and I found them to be difficult, as any challenge typically is.  But I figured out a lot about myself in that time.  For the most part, I know who I am.  I know where I stand and I feel good about where I stand.  As a Christian, if I were to have a face-to-face with God right this minute, I could proudly tell Him the following things:

1) I honored thy mother and father.  In moments of crisis, I feel like I stepped up for my family.  I did some intense thinking, praying, soul searching and attempted to do what was best for my family regarding many things, and also had to consider what was best for me in the process.  It wasn't always easy, and at times I felt like I was failing in general, or failing certain people specifically.  But in the end, I feel like I would do it all over again, the same way.  I tried to be present for those who needed me and I tried to be fair to everyone, including myself.  It didn't always appear that way to everyone involved, but I absolutely did the best I could.  I felt guilty at times because I knew that my choices (no matter what I did) were going to hurt someone.  But do I believe that God would condemn me for my choices?  Nope, and that is how I am content with where I've gone with my decisions.

2) My only true calling in this life so far is to be a mother and wife, though I am very imperfect in this role (to put it lightly).  Everything else is secondary.  I do not feel I was put on this earth to be an admin worker, a purchasing agent, sales person, software consultant, etc.  In no other role or job that I've had in my life have ever I tried as hard as I do with being a mother and wife, or been paid less.  I fail daily, but I will never be the perfect parent and I am definitely not the perfect wife.  I recognize this only because I found myself failing in other ways because I was being so hard on myself for my shortcomings.  My main job right now is to be a mother to my children, and that's difficult because I've only done this for a short amount of time, when I had very different roles for decades, leading up to this.  I'm still learning, but it's one of the few singular things I'm passionate about in this moment that I actually have direct control over.  I've tried to learn to forgive myself when I recognize I could've handled something better.  I am working to find an identity outside of my kids but these 2 roles are pretty important and I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be.
(Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.)  

3) I have loved thy neighbor.  There isn't much I haven't said with regard to social and political issues, and I consider this whole realm to be one.  I think I've spoken up on most pressing issues and most of the important people in my life understand and respect where I stand (I hope, regardless of whether they agree with me or not).  I've made sure that there is no question of how I feel regarding issues of race, sexual preference, religion, freedom of choice, refugees, immigration, the 2nd amendment and all that it responsibly entails, etc.  Sometimes, it has been to the detriment of relationships, but I feel like most of these issues are more than "just politics".  We are talking about peoples' lives.  HUMANITY.  I accept all people who lead their lives in a way that brings light, not darkness.  If you life your life in a way that brings others down, you and I won't probably won't mesh.  And that's okay.  My eyes have been opened to so many different perspectives and opinions, some more disappointing than others (because who doesn't wish we all agreed when we feel we are right), but I have learned so much regardless.  I recognize that there are people that who do not look like me, who do love worship like me, who do not love like me, who do not speak like me, or live like me.  But we are all equal and deserving of the same rights here in this country, and all over the world as far as that goes.  

4) There's no bible verse or commandment for this: I am sarcastic to a fault.  Most of my friends understand this love language of mine, but it does get me into trouble.  It is hard to reign it in, and a lot of times it ends up being a defense mechanism, and most often, it is used to highlight irony (i.e. - casting stones, etc).  Unfortunately,  there are times that it is read as arrogance (and I apologize for that - it is certainly not my intention)  For those that know me know that I am only confident that I feel deeply.  I am a very emotional person, but I admit that it doesn't always make me right.  It's something that I work on daily, but if you find yourself in an emotional conversation with me, where things are getting tense, the first thing to recognize is that I am passionate about the way I feel.  Just because you do not agree with me, does not make me wrong.  It also doesn't make me right, but regardless of where you stand on that, you need to know that I'm feeling some kinda way about it.  I recognize that being so emotional isn't always seen as a positive, but if you at all appreciate and value the relationship that we have (no matter how small the relationship seems), recognizing when I feel a certain way about a subject is important because you can be sure that I am not being flippant about it.  At all.  I'm trying to do better about how I present my perspective, so I hope that others also try to simply listen.

5) Even considering these challenges and self-revelations, they do not hold a candle to the real challenges of the world.  Like those humans in the world that are attempting to save their own families' lives by fleeing their country, those humans who are being abused daily by both strangers and people that they love, those humans that don't have the financial stability to eat proper meals (or eat anything at all), those humans that do not have a home or a place to safely lay their heads at night, those humans who have lost a child through no fault of their own, or senselessly lost a child due to violence of any kind, or lost a child through sickness due to not having the appropriate access to healthcare to prevent such tragedy, those humans who have to have conversations with their children daily about the mean people in this world who do not see their value due to the color of their skin, their gender, or their religion.  Through all of my so-called strife, I am so, so lucky that I cannot claim such challenges in my life.  

I struggle with this verse : Psalm 34:19 - The righteous person may have troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.

Thanks to social media and technology in general, I see so much suffering daily.  I know there are children who are born into suffering, and die due to suffering and I can't even begin to imagine the in-between.  The only point at which they are delivered from their suffering is when they leave this cruel world.  So why?  Why do they have to be born into such an awful world, only to die in such terrible circumstances?  I have no answers, but when I see such trivial arguments about rights to own a semi-automatic weapon when there are children dying of starvation, murder, rape, etc, I can't help but get angry and sad with the differences in worldly views.

I was reminded by a very close friend this week to always remember to find the grace in all situations.  If you are being angered by someone, just remember they could be going through something terrible that you know nothing about.  Find the grace.  BE the grace that people need in their lives.  We all need it.  

Surgery and Follow-up Complete!

I'm really behind on this update, so I apologize to everyone who has anxiously waited! 😜

We got great news after mom's surgery!  Jeremy and I were both there with her and the surgical oncologist came and talked to us after they were done (that was on Tuesday the 16th), and said that they removed the known tumor, and nothing was found in her sentinel lymph nodes so they didn't have to progress to an axillary lymph node dissection!  Which also means that her post-surgery recovery was going to be easier since a drain wasn't needed and she didn't need to stay overnight in the hospital.  We still had to wait 2 weeks to see what the lab results were on the tumor they removed, but the initial news so far was great!

The trip didn't go without excitement.  Jeremy wasn't scheduled to fly back to Raleigh until that Tuesday night, but snow was moving in so they cancelled his flight.  Fortunately they canceled it well enough in advance and he was able to quickly get to the airport and catch an earlier flight before the snow ALSO reached Raleigh!  Mine and mom's flight wasn't scheduled until the next day (Wednesday the 17th) because we weren't sure if she was going to be required to stay overnight, and also we weren't sure how good she was going to feel after the procedure.

Of course, in true southern fashion, we woke up to an icy/snowy mess and the roads were terrible.  Our flight ended up being delayed from a noon departure to ~3pm departure (which wasn't terrible, considering).  BUT we had no idea that getting to the airport and through security was going to be as bad as it was (which, security ended up being so, so bad for me in particular because mom always miraculously gets TSA pre-check, which I tell her it's actually senior pre-check 😂).  We knew it would be challenging, but we had no idea the severity.  I nearly missed the flight because the security line was literally wrapped around baggage claim and beyond (the flight ended up being further delayed which had I known, would have been a lot less stressful).  Mom, in particular, was in a tizzy because she didn't know whether she should wait for me or what, because she was able to get through security pre-check relatively easy -- I would've definitely told her to go on without me and that I would catch the next flight, but the uncertainty had her stressed.  Not to mention, people in the security line were fired up because they were actively missing their flights and there were these 2 or 3 guys in particular that kept finding ways to get ahead of us in line, instead of waiting like normal people.  They were removed once or twice and so they'd leave, and then they'd just go further ahead each time and I think people finally gave up on it.  I'm always so surprised at the lengths people will go to take shortcuts in order to get ahead (both literally and figuratively), putting other people out to get what they want. #peoplethesedays 😡

Anyway, we finally got back to Wilmington and then I was stuck there because Raleigh received approximately 7-8 inches and roads were (again) a mess.  I live in the northern part of Wake County, so traveling the roads through Raleigh to get there would've been a big gamble.  Not to mention, our neighborhood was a sheet of ice that next day.  I finally was able to get home on Friday with little trouble.

::Fast forward 2 weeks::

Jeremy was able to go with mom this time because Craig was traveling for work that week, and we continued to receive good news!  Her tumor was NOT metaplastic and was called Invasive Ductal.  It's still Triple Negative, but it not being metaplastic was a big piece of the "scary".  Apparently, metaplastic is often Triple Negative, so when she was diagnosed with Triple Negative, they decided to be aggressive and treat it as metaplastic, just to be safe.  So, in summary it is NOT metaplastic, but it is Invasive Ductal Triple Negative.  Her doctors told her that if you're going to have Triple Negative, this is the type of Triple Negative breast cancer that you want!  They also changed up her radiation treatment just a little bit, and she is only going for 4 weeks instead of 6 weeks.  Good news all around!

Her journey is not quite over yet, but we are happy to be past the hard and scary parts.  And we are extremely grateful for all of the help, encouragement and prayers we've received along the way.  It's been so welcome and appreciated, and we just can't say enough for it all.  Whether you've sent messages, emails, cards, meals, kept my crazy kids, or just been able to offer a hand or a visit when things seemed really tough or uncertain, we've been thankful (and likely cried) for the outpouring of support.  If you know us well, you know that we cry when you cry... and we also cry when people are just nice, so there's also that.

 It is what it is.  xoxo!